Have you ever been in or you’re still in a relationship where you constantly feel unhappy, unaccepted, angry and anxious? If yes, then this may be called a ‘toxic relationship’. Most people talk about toxic relationships in the context of "romance only” but in reality, it’s possible to be in toxic relationships with friends, colleagues, co-workers and family. However, before moving on, please note that toxicity differs from abuse. An abusive relationship is an extreme form of toxicity and no one should endure nor tolerate that. Seek appropriate professional help if you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship. 

   This blog post is aimed at explaining how to identify a toxic relationship and a few guidance on the next steps to take if you find yourself or a close relative in a toxic relationship.

How to identify a toxic relationship

  1. Lack of support: When your partner doesn't support you or encourage you, this is toxic. Once you can't trust your partner to show up for you when you need them the most, it shows that there's no mutual interest in the relationship and can also mean that you don't really matter. 
  2. Controlling behaviours: If your partner is the type that monitors your movements and bug you all the time about where you’re going and what you’re doing or if your partner constantly gets irritated or annoyed for not replying to their texts early and keeps texting till you respond, this can be a result of jealousy or lack of trust and these signs contribute to toxicity in a relationship. 
  3. Envy and Jealousy: it’s absolutely normal to feel envy from time to time but once the envy starts making you think negatively about your partner's successes, it becomes an issue and toxicity is setting in. The same goes for jealousy. It’s a natural human feeling but once it starts graduating to suspicions and mistrust, the relationship starts being toxic. 
  4. Dishonesty: Trust is the foundation of every relationship. Once you find yourself lying about your whereabouts because you don’t want your partner to get angry or pissed, that’s toxicity. 
  5. Gaslighting: This is a manipulation technique. You constantly question yourself, your feelings, your sanity, your instincts and pure intentions because your partner doesn’t agree with your terms and lifestyle. Truth is you both might not always agree. Still, if you tend to be the one accused of being not considerate enough all the time even when your intentions are pure, you’re being manipulated, and your feelings and emotions are being tampered with. 
  6. Name-calling and put-downs: Does your partner make you feel less? Or belittle you? Or call you names that make you feel stupid or ashamed? This is emotional immaturity and toxic behaviour in a relationship. 

Is a toxic relationship fixable?
I would say "YES" but this would be on the condition that both partners are willing to change and work out things together. Here are some few guidances to help change a toxic relationship:

  1. Willingness to understand each other better: both partners need to understand that they have different personalities and they need time and patience to get to know each other better and adjust behaviours to please one another. 
  2. Willingness to invest: both parties must be willing to invest in making the relationship work out at all costs. This will definitely take many deep conversations and setting out time to spend quality time together 
  3. Practice healthy communication: To practice healthy communication, you must let go of what’s past. Don’t give room for negative vibes, and resist the temptation to refer to pasts issues to avoid more frustration and toxicity. Talk about things that will contribute positively to your lives and make you feel fulfilled and happy. 
  4. Be accountable: Take responsibility for your actions in the relationship, be committed and be open. Learn to say what you are doing per time, where you’re going, plans for the day, etc.
  5. Hold space for each other’s change: Know that change is not an overnight something, it takes time and you both have to be ready to be patient and flexible as you grow. 

 

Finally, always know that everyone deserves to be in a happy, safe and rewarding relationship. We all have a responsibility to co-create this kind of relationship so let’s learn to spot signs of toxicity in any relationship so we can start creating a healthy relationship instead. 

Dear reader, thank you for reading ❤️. Do well to like, comment and share.